The Secret to Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is a construct that can drive the human spirit to great heights, but can also affect someone so negatively that they go about their daily lives filled with doubt and angst.

In order to try to figure out how to get a good handle on how self-esteem affects us as individuals, we must first dispel a popular myth connected to self-esteem. 

Strengths and Weaknesses

People frequently focus on the things that they are good at, but still feel like it is “not good enough”.  People spend days, weeks and even years feeling bad about character traits that they possess, thinking that they need to improve on those traits in order to accomplish their goals. Do not get it wrong- working on yourself and trying to better your character traits is an admirable task. However, it can also backfire and have the opposite effect of what you were intending. The way that this can occurr is through people agonizing over why they are not “as good” as other people instead of accepting their own unique strengths and weaknesses. 

Acknowledge Your Greatness

In short, the “secret” to self-esteem is acknowledging your own limits and capabilities. This can often be confused with trying to push yourself to obtain abilities that are beyond your reach. This does not mean that you should not strive for greatness. It means that you need to recognize what your greatness is and develop your own path that is uniquely yours.

The trap people often fall into is comparing themselves to other people. For example, people often feel that if a co-worker can accomplish more tasks or if a friend is more artistic than them, there is no reason they should not also be able to complete those tasks or paint a beautiful picture. However, the explanation for low self-esteem stems from comparing yourself to others, thereby raising expectations on yourself that will likely be too unrealistic to meet.

Coming to Terms

A way to combat those negative feelings involves ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS. When one comes to terms with character traits they struggle with, it can signify a major turning point in ones life. When one is able admit that they won’t be as effective of a salesman as their friend, or they won’t be as skilled as a doctor as one of their colleagues, it can have a “freeing” effect as you can finally allow yourself to let go of feeling inferior to those around you. 

Be Honest

We need to be honest with ourselves. Every person on this planet has their own unique experiences that influence their character traits and skills. It is unfair to pressure yourself into thinking that you need to be the “same as them”. However, once you can start recognizing your own unique abilities as well as identifying how YOU can develop and strengthen those abilities, your self-esteem will begin to increase. When you stop comparing yourself to how others are doing around you and start forging your own path, you will start to feel higher levels of self-esteem as well as an overall boost to your mental health.  

If you or someone you know is looking to explore the impact self-esteem can have in your daily life, Ben Barer LCSW-C has extensive experience in working with clients using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to improve all areas of life. He can be contacted by phone or email, 443-601-9722 or barercounseling@gmail.com or through the contact form on barercounseling.com.